


I'm Just a Boy (Playing The Suicide King)

by AllMyStitchesItch



Series: Les Noirs Chagrins, Les Vains Désirs [3]
Category: Slipknot (Band), Stone Sour
Genre: Corpses, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, please read the tags and dont proceed if this is triggering subject matter for you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:47:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21731701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllMyStitchesItch/pseuds/AllMyStitchesItch
Summary: Please heed the tags and proceed with caution, this could be potentially very triggering.
Relationships: Jim Root/Corey Taylor
Series: Les Noirs Chagrins, Les Vains Désirs [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1506530
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21





	1. The Crack Inside Your Fucking Heart Is Me

**Author's Note:**

> Please heed the tags and proceed with caution, this could be potentially very triggering.

Jim jumped when his phone rang. He walked over to it slowly, taking a deep breath. He hadn’t had any human contact since… Corey, 2 days ago.

He lifted the phone off the receiver and lifted it to his ear.

“Hello?” He probably sounded exhausted, because he was. 

“Hi, uh… Jim?” a familiar but unidentifiable voice said from the other end.

“Yeah, who’s this?” Jim asked.

“Hi, sorry, it’s Josh… Corey’s roommate? I met you the other night, Corey had your number on the fridge,” it clicked in Jim’s mind now. 

Jim’s heart sunk a little bit at the revelation. 

Why was Josh calling him? 

Jim tried to sound casual, “Oh, yeah, sorry. I remember now,” Jim tried to force a casual laugh, “What’s up?”

“I was just wondering if you’ve seen Corey around? He hasn’t been home in a while and it’s just kinda odd. Thought he might be with you,” he explained.

Jim swallowed hard, trying to compose himself, “Last time I saw him was when I walked him home on Friday night.”

Last time you saw him alive.

“Aw, damn it,” Josh sighed.

“Is everything alright?” Jim asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m just kinda worried about him. He gets in these bad moods sometimes and it’s not like him just disappear like this. He didn’t come home last night but none of his stuff’s missing. He’s my bud, y’know, just hoping he comes back soon so I don’t have to call the cops to track down his dumb ass again if he’s gone off on another... “ Josh trailed off, realizing Corey probably hadn’t opened up to Jim that much quite yet, “I’m just worried about him, he’s not known for thinking shit through,” Josh finished with a forced laugh that was laced with concern.

Jim didn’t realize he had started silently crying until he felt a tear slip down his cheek. 

_He doesn’t even know._

_He doesn’t even know what you fucking did._

_To his best friend._

Jim composed himself, kicking himself in the ankle to bring himself back and gritting his teeth a little at the pain.

“Yeah, I’m really sorry. I’m… Worried about him too, if he hasn’t been home in a while. I’ll call you if I hear from him,” Jim said.

“Yeah, please, dude,” Josh said with obvious distress in his voice.

“And uh….” Jim paused, squeezing his eyes shut tight, more silent tears fell down his face. He tried to sniffle quietly and finish his sentence, “...Uh, let me know as soon as you hear from him, ok?”

“Yeah, I will for sure, thanks dude,” Josh said.

“No problem,” Jim said, trying to keep his voice as steady as he could.

As soon as he heard the phone click as Josh hung up, he collapsed onto his kitchen floor. 

Head down, supporting himself on his elbows and his knees, Jim wept loudly. 


	2. Lie With Me, Die With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> again, please heed the tags. potentially triggering.

* * *

Jim wandered aimlessly through the forest, the shovel in his hand accidentally hitting the occasional tree and making a loud clanging sound every time. Jim failed to notice, though. He was too focused. Too scared. Too exhilarated. All at the same time. It was so sickeningly overwhelming that he could barely focus on where he was going.

But he didn’t need to focus, his feet seemed to lead the way. Like they knew where they were going. They knew where Corey was. Almost like he was calling Jim back to him. He felt a pull in his chest ever since he had left Corey out here, 3 nights ago. It just didn’t feel right. And he was going to fix that.

Tonight.

He froze when he saw it up ahead. A patch of recently dug earth that stood out among the mossy and mostly-leaf-covered forest floor.

Jim swallowed hard, finding it hard to grip his shovel, it suddenly felt too heavy in his large hands. It wasn’t in fear though. It was in anticipation to see Corey again and finally make this right.

_You have to make this right._

He fell to his knees, a sad half-smile on his face as he kneeled at the unmarked grave. He knew his love was only a couple of feet below him and it felt euphoric to be back this close to him again.

Jim gently shovelled the first foot of dirt out of the improper grave. He started to brush away the other half-foot that laid between him and Corey with his hand, as he didn’t want to damage him by accidentally putting the blade of his shovel through one of his limbs.

Jim hesitated a little as the familiar black denim material of the jacket he had left with Corey became visible. He paused to feel its texture under his finger tips for a few moments before brushing the rest of the dirt away with his hands and slowly pulled his jacket away to reveal Corey.

Jim stopped breathing when he finally saw him again. He was much paler than when Jim had left him there. His veins were blue and pronounced, accenting his now nearly-white skin perfectly. He looked translucent. Angelic. Not even human, just like some sort of seraphic being. 

His eyelids were closed, hiding those charming blue eyes, as Jim ran a tender hand over his cold cheek. He felt that pang of guilt again, knowing Corey had been laying there, freezing and alone for three nights.

He wasn’t alone anymore though, and that put Jim’s mind at ease for a moment.

Corey’s lips looked dry, slightly parted, and clearly there was no moisture left in his mouth. It depressed Jim to see him in this state, he wished he was still fresh, fresh enough to be mistaken for only sleeping, even though Corey still looked breathtaking to him… Even like this. 

_He could be a fucking skeleton and you would still be swooning over him like a little schoolgirl, Jim._

The lock of his own hair that he had left Corey in place of the one he had taken of his was still resting on his chest, held together with string.

Jim leaned down to press his lips to Corey’s, that were now blue. They were so cold and Jim let the kiss linger for a few moments in a vain attempt to warm them, but it was impossible. Corey was stiff and nearly frozen. 

Winter seemed to have come to Iowa far too early this year, it had even snowed lightly the night before. The rising sun was lighting the horizon now, it hadn’t had the chance to melt the thin sheet of snow that had fallen yet. 

Jim hated early winters. If it was up to him, it would be the initial autumn weather all the time. The perfect weather to him. He let his mind wander to the place it always did lately when he thought about an opinion he had:

_“What would Corey think?”_

Was he an autumn person too? Or was he more of a hot summer night person? Maybe he preferred the gloominess of late March, or maybe he liked that transitional period just as fall was ending and the winter was beginning. 

Jim always hated Nevada, the summers were always far too hot for him, but the Iowa winters were even worse. Maybe Corey was a winter person. He’d lived here his whole life, never even been out of the state. Jim knew he was born in December, too and remembered vaguely reading about a study that had been conducted on the season you’re born in and your favoring towards it, though he couldn’t remember the conclusion. 

_What a pointless study, what use is there for that knowledge?_

In the end, he surmised that Corey was an early winter person. The kind of person that liked to go on walks, hand in hand during light snow fall at night bundled up and then go home afterwards and make them something hot to drink, cuddling on the couch under a blanket while one of the 80’s slasher films he loved played on the tv while the faint sound of the wind whistling outside could be heard. 

Jim smiled a little to himself at his conclusion. It made him feel a little better about leaving him out here, maybe Corey liked it out here, but he shook those thoughts away. He wasn’t here to ponder what Corey would and wouldn’t like. He was here to make this right.

Jim slid into the shallow grave to sit beside him and opened his jacket, pulling Corey towards his chest and cuddling him in his arms. Corey wasn’t nearly as stiff as Jim would have expected him to be.

He held him close, enveloping him in the jacket he had left with him and rubbing his shoulders like he was trying to warm him up, even though it was pointless. But Jim couldn’t help it, it was just human instinct.

Jim reached behind him and felt the cold metal of the .45 tucked into the waistband of his jeans, pulling it out and setting it on the dirt.

Not yet. Not quite yet. He had one last thing to do.

He pulled his cellphone out of his pocket and flipped it open, dialing Josh’s number.

He clutched Corey close to his chest with his free arm and kissed his forehead, double checking his gps again and jumping a little when Josh answered.

“Hello?” Josh’s voice came from the other end.

Jim briefly let out a sob before taking a deep breath to compose himself.

“Hello?” Josh asked again.

“Hey it’s uh… It’s Jim,” He sniffled a little bit, trying not to let his voice shake. 

“Hey Jim… Are you ok? You don’t sound good,” Josh asked softly.

“Yes… Everything’s going to be alright soon,” Jim said.

“Oh ok. What’s up? Have you heard from Corey yet?” Josh asked.

“No, sorry I uh… I haven’t heard from him yet. But I have something for him, could you write a message down for me?” Jim said.

“Yeah, of course, what is it?” Josh said.

“It’s gonna sound strange but… They’re coordinates, please make sure you get them right.”

“...Jim what’s this all abou-”

“Just. Please. I need you to, it’s important. It’ll make sense soon.” Jim interrupted.

“Ok, yeah, tell me, I have a note pad here, what are they?” Josh said.

“42 degrees 05’ 42’’ North, 94 degrees 33’ 27’’ West.” Jim said slowly and clearly.

“Ok, yeah I got it, Jim what’s this about? Are you ok?” Josh said, concerned.

“Can you read it back to me please, I need to make sure it’s right,” Jim nearly whimpered.

Josh did and it was correct. Jim sighed in partial relief.

“Jim… Please tell me what this is about, you’re scaring me,” Josh said, a little panicked.

“I need you to call the police once I hang up…” Jim paused to sniffle, holding Corey tighter as his heart threatened to beat out of his chest, “You call the police and you tell them that’s where Corey is. I’ll be there too… And then you tell them that there’s a letter for them in my house, on the table. It’ll explain everything that’s going on.”

“Jim what-”

“Josh, _PLEASE_ ,” Jim nearly shouted through his cried into the phone.

“What’s going on-”

“ _PLEASE_ just tell me you understand. Please just tell me you’ll do it,” Jim sobbed, not trying to cover his crying anymore.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll do it, Jim please tell me what this is about,” Josh said, panicking now.

“I’m sorry,” was all Jim could force out of his mouth before he hung up the phone and set it down on the dirt, replacing it in his hand with the pistol he had brought with him.

He remembered he read how to make it fast and not fuck it up. In your mouth, pointed slightly down, damaging the spinal column where it meets the skull.

Quick. 

Swift. 

No pain, even though Jim thought he deserved some. 

Deserved to be tortured and abused forever for what he did to his beautiful Corey. 

This would have to be good enough. This would make it right. He had to do it.

Corey held tightly to his chest and cold metal against his tongue was the last thing he felt.

The shot rang out and echoed through the trees, but no one was around to hear it.


End file.
